Pleasure & Sex Books

As a couple therapist, I spend a lot of time talking with clients about their sex lives. There's so much to learn! Whether you want to spice up your sex life, unlearn societal conditioning around sex, or dive into non-monogamy and kink, there's a little something for everyone on this list. Know of a book I should add? Please reach out! I'd love to hear from you.

Care, Pleasure & Sex: General

Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationship Guide for People of Size (People Who Love Them), Hanne Blank

adrienne maree brown books

Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life, Elle Chase

Touch Me, I'm Sick: A Memoir in Essays, Margeaux Feldman

Notes from a Queer Cripple: How to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy (and Be Hot While Doing It!), Andrew Gurza

Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships, Sarah Hunter Murray

She Comes First and He Comes Next, Ian Kerner

Bang!: Masturbation for People of All Genders and Abilities, Vic Liu

Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame-Free Sex, Allison Moon

Girl Sex 101: A Queer Pleasure Guide for Women and Their Lovers, Allison Moon & KD Diamond

Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski

Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, Emily Nagoski

Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs, Ina Park

Disability Intimacy: Essays on Love, Care, and Desire, Alice Wong

Non-Monogamy & Polyamory

Education:

Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners, Deborah Anapol

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures, Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Monogamy, Jessica Fern

Kathy Labriola books

Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory: Before I Tried it and Frakked it All Up, Cunning Minx

Love is Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, Kevin A. Patterson

Elisabeth Sheff books

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, Tristan Taormino

Memoir:

Heads up: Lots of people have lots of mixed opinions on most of the books below, and nearly all of them are about a woman's experience opening a cis/het- or cis/het-passing relationship.

This Heart Holds Many: My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamorous Family, Koe Creation

Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory, Natalie Davis

Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy, Rachel Krantz

More: A Memoir of Open Marriage, Molly Roden Winter

Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane, Lindy West

Kink: General

These books are all fairly general primers and introductions. For more, especially more on specific kinks, check out this extremely comprehensive Reddit thread.

The Dominance Playbook: Ways to Play with Power in Scenes and Relationships, Anton Fulmen

With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect, Stefani Goerlich

The New Bottoming Book, Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

The New Topping Book, Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring, and Navigating the Kink, Leather, and BDSM Communities, Lee Harrington & Mollena Williams-Haas

Why are People into That?: A Cultural Investigation of Kink, Tina Horn

Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic, Raven Kaldera

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Jay Wiseman